Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Don't Iron Wrinkle-free Shirts 9-3-08

Don't Iron Wrinkle-free Shirts
Last night I looked at the two "wrinkle-free" white shirts I have been wearing for the past two-plus months and came to a conclusion that has been sneaking up on me for the past few weeks; they are no longer wrinkle-free.
What happens to wrinkle-free white shirts anyway? When I first opened them, they looked like they had been starched and ironed, right out of the package. They looked terrific week after week until about the middle of August; then something happened.

It started gradually. I noticed that the collars were not quite as firm and, we
ll, wrinkle-free, so I decided to iron the collars of these two shirts. Now let me assure you, I am a good, no, very good, well, great laundress if I do have to say so myself. I use the best that Russia has to offer to wash my whites, including these shirts. I use Tide (a P&G product) Ace 10% bleach occasionally, Stain Stick on the collars every two or three washings, Vanish non-chlorine whitener the other times, and Lenor fabric softener most in most rinses.
And it isn't just these two shirts, it's all of my short-sleeve, Missionary Emporium, guaranteed wrinkle-free, shirts that I got while in the MTC in June. That's right, June. I've owned these shirts less than three months and only began to wear them on June 26 when we started working in the office regularly. Take a good look.

Well, I think that I've discovered what's going on. These shirts have gotten soft; they have become iron-dependent on me instead of my depending on them. Like I said, it started innocently when I ironed the collars. Then the shirts decided that was pretty good and relaxed in the front. Now, I understand relaxing the front. My front has been pretty relaxed these past years, but I've earned the right. I'm almost 66 and I've hung in there, so to speak, for a long time and these shirts are taking the easy road. I expected them to stay strong, stiff upper . . . collar and all that. I expected to keep their wrinkles, well, unwrinkled. I gave them a little help and what do I get? Thanks and a renewed effort? No. I get more and more wrinkles. In two weeks I went from just the collars to the whole shirt, and they still don't really look all that great.

Ladies and gentlemen of the reading audience; beware. Do not, I say again, do not iron your wrinkle-free shirts because they will let you down. They will take advantage of your need to look sharp and make you the slave instead of the master. It is a flaw in their character, a revolt against expectations. In the life of a shirt, three months is probably teenage and my shirts are rebelling against authority; watch for that in yours.

Or, maybe it's a Manchurian Candidate situation. Maybe the shirts are programed to let down and cause you to have to iron and iron until you have an attack of some kind. Or maybe it's just a bad attitude; sort of a welfare mentality. You know, make it easy for them and they just stop trying. Or maybe they've been in Russia long enough to decide they just don't care to look that great. Or maybe . . .well, I don't know. All I know is that when my mother starched and ironed my cotton shirts they stayed stiff. When my wife starched and ironed my shirts . . . you know, I can't remember her . . .well. When Newbolds starched and ironed my shirts . . . well I guess you get the picture.

Don't iron those shirts. Make them do their job. Insist on their getting it right. You know, ship up or shape out, or. Well, don't give in. I'm depending on you for support.

What a shirt.
What a country


No comments: